To a great degree, hopelessness is a feeling of separation. Separation from ourselves, others, our community, and our God. The most life-enhancing and important connection each of us has is with our true Selves, which are sparks of the Divine. However, sometimes we’ve drifted so far from our authentic natures that we need to pause and intentionally remember who we really are: beautiful, incredible spiritual beings having an embodied, sometimes very difficult, experience.
Ironically, we’re often very good at making life harder than it needs to be. Or, even, actually is. Some people—myself included, earlier in my life—have the self-sabotaging habit of “awfulizing.” Awfulizing is a term coined by psychologist Albert Ellis. It means pretty much what it sounds like: making a situation worse than it is. The media is excellent at fostering awfulizing by accentuating and embellishing the negative. Hormone-laden teens and chemically imbalanced brains are prone to awfulizing. As a young woman, the Drama Queen/Victim part of me was talented at awfulizing. It piqued others’ interest and got me the attention I craved. The cost, however, was great. I began to believe my own exaggerated stories, which raised my fear levels dramatically and did nothing to alleviate the insecurity I was plagued with. As you read this, maybe a person or two—maybe even you—has popped into your mind. Believe me, awfulizing is an easy habit to get stuck in. Partially because of the attention factor, but also because we see examples of it everywhere. In some areas, it seems to have become the norm. Road rage springs to mind. When we really think about it dispassionately, more often than not, how terrible is it if someone with whom we are sharing the road is acting irresponsibly?
Road rage in the form of rather menacing behavior once had an upside for me. I was driving just a tiny bit above the speed limit on a two-lane road when a humungous truck began following me so closely, it almost touched my bumper. I drive a sedan that sits low to the ground and couldn’t see the truck driver. This very disconcerting behavior went on for three or four miles, which included two turns. When I was close to home and contemplating driving to the police station instead, the truck swerved onto a different street. Shaken, I turned in to my neighborhood, only to notice another car was now following me. It turned out that this thoughtful follower was a Good Samaritan who had noticed the truck riding my bumper and had been following us the whole time to “make sure I got home safely.” That sweet man bolstered my belief that most people are caring and concerned.
I am misty-eyed with gratitude remembering that example of kindness to a stranger.
Excerpted from How to Stay Upbeat in a Beat Down World by Sue Patton Thoele. Available on Amazon.
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