It’s important to distinguish between hope and expectation. Hope is about looking for the good and believing it will come; expectation, on the other hand, has certain outcomes in mind. For instance, if I were diagnosed with cancer, I would hope to find the strength and courage to grow through the challenge. On the other hand, when I expect that a certain medical procedure will cure me, my expectation is fulfilled only if I continue to live free from cancer. Cured or not, however, my hope of strength, courage, and growth can come true.
As a parent, I hope and pray I am able to do my best and that my children will become happy, well-adjusted, caring adults. I can also expect that if I do my best, my children will become wonderful people and think I’m the most fabulous being on the planet. My hope keeps me doing my best; my expectation sets me up for frustration or failure. In both the cancer and parenting scenarios, there are simply too many variables at work to guarantee that my expectations will be met. Expectation often becomes a quagmire of disappointment, while the effervescence of hope allows our spirits to soar.
Recently, a young woman whom I consider a chosen daughter gave me a bumper sticker that says, “Something wonderful is about to happen.” My heart immediately responded, Yes! Dyed- in-the-wool optimists having a difficult time would probably add, “Something wonderful—or at least growth-producing— will eventually come out of the darkness and difficulties I’m experiencing now.” That’s hope in all its glory.
In her mid-fifties, my friend Kate died from ovarian cancer. After hearing the latest in her physical treatments and symptoms, I always asked the same question: “And how is your heart?” While she could still speak, her answer was always the same: “My heart is good. My heart is always good.” What a wonderful teacher she was. As a therapist and hospice worker, I’ve seen countless clients and patients respond to adversity in much the same way Kate did. In fact, most of us can probably remember a time when we sprang back to life even though our wellspring of hope seemed parched and barren and we had to dig in the dirt to find and clear it. That’s how hope works. It’s there all the time, just waiting to be set free.
Excerpted from How to Stay Upbeat in a Beat Down World by Sue Patton Thoele. Available on Amazon.
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