The freedom that comes from being able to face our feelings can be so delicious. But it takes a lot of work, because we’re all so poisoned by the conditioning that some feelings are bad, especially the challenging, fiery ones. No matter how much work we do on ourselves, our judgments about our feelings often jump up and bite us. And so we push them back down. But, as we know by now, denying doesn’t work. Denied or buried feelings merely go underground—into our subconscious and our physical bodies— until eventually we have to pay attention because they bring us physical and emotional dis-ease.
The feeling most responsible for blocking our way to hope is fear. Fear is different from discernment. Discernment is tiny, manageable doses of trepidation based on realistic concerns, such as the knowledge that it’s dangerous to play Words with Friends while driving. Discernment keeps us safe, makes us vigilant parents, gives us the drive to be activists for worthy causes, and makes law-abiding citizens of us. Fear, on the other hand, is the unrealistic, incapacitating stuff that limits our freedom severely. For instance, fear of rejection or ridicule can stifle our ability to express valid ideas in business meetings, or keep us in abusive or disrespectful relationships.
I would go so far as to say that fear is our only real enemy, and avoidance is its most destructive collaborator.
Fear is the mother ship of all limiting feeling.
Unchallenged, fear robs us of the very essence of our being, obscures hope, diminishes self-confidence, and stifles creativity. But we have the power to release fear by accepting it and facing it head-on. I learned this simple technique for embracing fear from Michael Toms, the late co-creator of New Dimensions Radio. When faced with a decision, Michael asked himself, “Am I making this decision out of fear, or am I making it out of love?” Questions such as his encourage us not only to face our fears when they arise, but to actively go looking for them and bring them into the light of consciousness to be observed, embraced, and transformed.
Courageously facing our feelings—with help, if needed—is the first and most important step on the road to freedom and hope. Being aware of feelings enables us to transform them and, as a result, change reactions and actions that are no longer appropriate or desired.
Excerpted from How to Stay Upbeat in a Beat Down World by Sue Patton Thoele. Available on Amazon.
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