“Compassion for others begins with kindness to ourselves.”
—Pema Chodron
For years, I have been teaching and writing that kindness toward ourselves is not only acceptable, but actually an incubator for increased compassion toward others. Nonetheless, the above quote from Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist nun and teacher, still touches me. Her message that compassion for others is born from kindness to ourselves soothes the part of my psyche still valiantly trying to avoid the childhood admonition, “Don’t be so selfish!” Because I and many women I talk with seem to need at least intermittent reassurance that self-care is not synonymous with selfishness, the majority of the practices in this chapter are reminders to treat yourself as kindly and compassionately as you do others.
In order to treat yourself with consistent compassion and kindness, you need to be aware of what is happening in and around you. All insight and change begin with awareness. Without awareness, your choices are limited and it’s easy to get caught in the trap of repeating old habits and rehashing ancient hurts. However, being aware of what you are thinking and feeling enables you to intentionally, gently, and lovingly choose to change attitudes and actions that are no longer appropriate or desired.
Compassionate awareness is the cornerstone of mindfulness. With awareness, you become deeply attuned to yourself and increasingly appreciative of the people, opportunities, and, yes, the challenges life offers. Awareness is the first step toward both inner and outer change.
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